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| Just look at that face... |
Or if ya just wanna write one for me (20-30 words)... That is most welcome too!!! teeheehee Write, minions, write!! Bwahaha ;) *hugs*
Feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated!!
Query:
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| Cover Art by Danielle Fine |
In this RAMPANT meets FALLEN novel of destiny versus free will, a girl fated with killing the boy she loves must do so in order to save her coven from the shadow demon that lusts after her soul.
Seventeen-year-old Greta Shore is dealing with a lot of crap. Her dad leaves. Her magick is MIA. Her best friend is dead, and Greta believes it's all her fault. Oh, and let’s not forget she's forcibly engaged to her stalker thanks to her Benedict Arnold of a mother.
At the engagement party, fed up and angry, Greta impulsively takes off, blazing a trail straight for the protection of the Red Forest. But before she reaches safety, the bloodcurdling screech of a witch's worst nightmare heralds the impending attack of a shadow demon. Seconds from destruction, she's rescued, scooped into the arms of the hottest guy she's ever seen… Paxton Craig, a unicorn shifter. She knows him—his name caught like a promise on her teeth and tongue—but she’s never met him. Greta’s whole life changes the night Pax saves her.
However, salvation comes with a price… A hefty one. Greta discovers she’s a unicorn shifter with a dark fortune. As she remembers her past life with Pax her love grows, along with the risks. Their passion is forbidden. Dangerous. While Greta struggles to understand her inner beast, find her magick and break the marriage contract, she faces an impossible choice. Kill Pax to keep all shadow demons from feasting on her coven, or sacrifice herself to save him.
Happy helping! :o)
*Really appreciate any comments or feedback you may have! Thanks :D
I suck at pitches - but it seems great to me! It made me want to read the book.
ReplyDeleteHi Kary! Pitches are so hard...and then once I've got it worked out I have to remember it too ;) Thank you for stopping by and I'm really glad that you'd want to read it!
DeleteSecond try - I like it. The one sentence captures the story nicely.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lola! Am workin' it out! teehee ;)
DeleteKaren, Don't hate me. I don't know what you mean by Rampant and Fallen. I'm going to assume they are novels, but unless whoever your pitching to has repped or edited them, I wouldn't go there.
ReplyDeleteI have trouble with "fated to" and "must do so" it seems to take the conflict out of it. Not having read your book, to me something more in the order of "This is a story about a girl who is told she must kill the boy she loves, and her fight to save him."
I think 'her fight to save him' is too general. The other version where you know that she is fated (or maybe ordered to) kill him in order to save her family gives a much more specific and vivid picture of what's at stake.
DeleteHi Ella! No hatin' here ;) I'm happy for feedback... I can take it :) teehee Rampant and Fallen are both YA novels. I was a little concerned about including them, and I think I may leave them out.
DeleteHow about this as the pitch?
A unicorn shifter is destined to kill the boy she loves to save her coven from the shadow demon that lusts after her soul.
Thank you for stopping by!
I've only pitched once, by the time I went to my second conference I had an agent, but I pitched 5 times that day and got requests for partials from all of them. One thing that helped me was the pitch for the Wizzard of OZ, it's a story about a girl who wants to go home.
DeleteFor The Seduction of Lady Phoebe, mine was, it's a story about a woman who is afraid of love and the man who wants to marry her. All you really have to do, after smiling, introducing yourself and shaking hands, is give them the main conflict of your story. Editors and agents at pitch sessions are listening to loads of other pitches. They they will either ask you questions or stare and you, where upon you just tell them about your story. So, what is your main conflict? Once you have that, you have your pitch.
I also recommend you go to the pitch class.
This book sounds like a winner to me! Hero's a hotie. Heroine is gutsy with plenty of angst (God, was I like that at 17?). The one liner has character, goal, motivation and conflict, so I think it works. Good luck, Karen!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Andrea! I know what ya mean...was I like that at 17 too? lolz Really appreciate you stopping by and commenting :) Keep your fingers crossed for me! Thanks!
DeleteThis is the only part that gave me a hiccup -
ReplyDeleteWhile Greta struggles to understand her inner beast, find her magick and break the marriage contract, she faces an impossible choice. Kill Pax to keep all shadow demons from feasting on her coven, or sacrifice herself to save him.
To me it the impossible choice needs to be attached to the choices - -- i.ex ....impossible choice: kill Pax.....
but then that would make it too long of a sentence.
Let's try dropping the conjunction at the beginning and shifting the sentence a tad.
Greta struggles to understand her inner beast, find her magick, break the marriage contract and face the impossible choice of having to kill Pax or sacrifice herself to save him.
Hi Daryl! Great catch :) I hadn't even noticed that. Thank you! I'll definitely make the change. Really appreciate you stopping by and commenting.
DeleteHow about this... Better?
ReplyDeleteA unicorn shifter is destined to kill the boy she loves to save her coven from the shadow demon that lusts after her soul.
My question, like Andrea, is she really 'destined' to kill him or is it a choice forced on her? I also don't know the other two novels you referenced, but a class I took on pitching said popular TV shows are good references to use.
ReplyDeleteHi Krystal! Thank you so much :) I really do need to think about it a little more because her decision is a choice she has to make, so it probably would be a good idea to take out fated/destined. Really appreciate you stopping by!
DeleteJust one comment from me. How about putting her name in the pitch to make it more personal. - Fated to kill the boy she loves, Greta-
ReplyDeleteThank you Karen! I like that :) Really appreciate you stopping by and commenting!
DeleteSince this is a YA romance, she really isn't fated or destined to kill the boy she loves. Greta is forced to choose or make a hard decision.
ReplyDeleteHi Nikki! Definitely see your point. Plus, killing Pax is a choice that Greta will have to make in order for his death to actually destroy the shadow demons...so, that makes sense to me. I'll play with it a little more. Really appreciate you stopping by and commenting :)
Delete